Marital Matters

Personal stories about marital matters and separation issues.

May 16, 2010

brain fog and infidelity

Being fired from her job was a wake up call Olivia needed in order to save her marriage and her relationship with her children.

"At first I was upset and angry when I got fired," says Olivia, "but because my marriage and relationship with my two kids had been faltering for many years, I soon welcomed the firing as an opportunity to sort things out with my husband, Al, and get the kids straightened out too. In a nutshell, the firing gave me the opportunity I needed to take charge of things!"

"Yes, Al was a straying husband," confesses Olivia. "And I rationalized all the signs of his betrayals. The kids knew that their dad was seeing other women, but they said nothing. After all, they were doing drugs at home and I had rationalized all the signs of that, too."

“Like most working women, I had been so stressed out juggling a myriad of life responsibilities that I missed the early signs of a straying husband, my kids getting mixed up with drugs and a looming firing at work,” says Olivia. “And, like most women, I was so trusting of my kids, my husband and my boss that I was willing to rationalize the obvious signs of trouble.”

"I don't think it has anything to do with intelligence, or lack of it," explains Olivia. "I just went about my daily life in a blur just like every other woman, rationalizing things I didn't want to face and assuming that if any troubles arise they can be easily fixed."

"It really is an unfortunate fact of our early socialization that we have been brought up to pay attention to what people tell us rather than listen to our inner guidance," says Olivia. "Even in the face of quite obvious signs of trouble we are more likely to believe what people say, and rationalize their bizarre behavior.”

“And this is exactly what I did."

“I now understand that I knew, deep down, that everything was wrong in my life - all the signs were there for me to see,” sighs Olivia, “and I also understand why I chose to ignore those signs or rationalize them.”

"That’s what the socialization process taught me to do," explains Olivia. "It taught me that feelings are silly or dangerous, and reason is superior. Reason is not superior -- feeling are, and rationalization is a curse!"

"I confronted Al about his womanizing, and the kids about their drugs," says Olivia, "and they were happy and relieved that everything is now out in the open."

“We’re working on our problems now,” confides Olivia, “and I now trust my feelings, no matter how silly or dangerous they seem to be.”

“I’m a lot more relaxed now that I’m home full-time, and it’s really empowering to have the time and the peace I need in order to listen to my inner guidance.”

“Al is a lot more attentive to me,” says Olivia, “and the kids have started telling me things they were too scared to tell me before.”

“It’s crazy that being fired from my job ended up saving my marriage and my relationship with my children,” laughs Olivia, “and I can’t believe that I was so engrossed in my job that I couldn’t see what was happening at home – or didn’t want to see.”

“If I could earn a dollar for every time I’ve heard someone say: ‘I had no idea he was leaving me, or I was going to be laid-off, or the company was in trouble, or whatever’ I would be rich by now,” laughs Olivia. “But a lot of my friends would be richer still from having heard me say it, too, but not any more!”

Read more about Olivia:

the toxic boss

Labels: , , ,