wifely instincts v societal pressure

Bronte is 24 and her husband, Jay, wants her to stay home, keep house for him and start a family, but she feels torn between wifely instincts and societal pressure to have a job and be equal to a man and as a consequence is going through an identity crisis.

"I don’t want to wear a mask and pretend I’m a pseudo man," says Bronte. "And yet I don't want to be a housewife with nothing more interesting to do with my life than raise children, keep house and watch soaps on television."

"A working mom must necessarily wear a mask and pretend to be something she is not," says Bronte, "because if she were to expose who she really is the client would see a woman who is menstruating and concerned that her sanitary protection might leak; a woman who is more concerned about little Joey at kindergarten than the figures in front of her; a woman thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight; and a woman worried about whether or not she is still attractive to her husband."

"Throughout his life a man identifies with his job," says Bronte. "He is Fred Smith, plumber, who occasionally dons different 'hats' when he needs to. On the other hand, a typical millennium woman - aiming to have it all - has an identity crisis because she cannot identify with her job. She is Mary Smith, wife of Fred, mother of Fred's kids and as an afterthought she is an accountant. Is it any wonder that so many women wear permanent masks?"

Because our social structure remains dominated by males, Bronte feels that women who break out of the housewifely mold and want to be more than a male appendage necessarily have to adopt male values in order to succeed.

This leads to an identity crisis and the necessity to wear a permanent mask because women are far more complex than men.

"Very few women can identify solely with their job," says Bronte. "Nature designed us to bear and nurture children and we are reminded of our natural life role every month of our lives from the age of 13 to the age of 50."

Furthermore, Bronte believes that this natural life role has endowed us with qualities that few men possess.

"Because we were designed to be life givers and nurturers," says Bronte, "we are less aggressive and more caring than men."

"When Mary Smith is counseling a client about investments," says Bronte, "she wears a mask because if she were to expose who she really was the client would see a woman who is: menstruating and concerned that her sanitary protection might leak. He would see a woman who is more concerned about little Joey at kindergarten than the figures in front of her. He would see a woman thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. He would see a woman worried about whether or not she is still attractive to her husband."

According to Bronte, to be accepted as capable and productive workers, women must necessarily wear a mask and pretend to be something they are not.

Bronte is frightened of becoming that type of woman. Staying home and being a housewife with plenty of leisure to do whatever she wants to do is a safe lifestyle for her. But a confusing one, too.

"I appreciate that men aren't always on the ball at work either," laughs Bronte. "If it's true that they are genetically designed to think of sex and nubile young women every few minutes then naturally they are prone to distractions as well."

"But having a penis and thinking of sex is what being a male is all about," explains Bronte, "and it goes with the power of maleness. Men need to identify with a job because it confers them with money and power with which they can best accomplish what nature designed them to do - attract and impregnate women!"

"Doing any sort of work outside the home is not going to help any woman's natural function," says Bronte, "and in fact it goes against it - unless, of course, she's young and attractive and looking for a man to impregnate her."

Bronte believes that it is no coincidence that Mary Smith gained her job because she is a young and attractive woman. Ms Smith knows that the chief accountant hired her in preference to men and older or less attractive women who had better qualifications and experience than she did because he wanted a pretty young woman to look at during his working hours.

"Furthermore," muses Bronte, "when Ms Smith progresses and hires a personal assistant she will select a younger and more attractive woman than herself because she has been imbued with male values. Ms Smith may take this assumption of male values to the extreme and flirt with younger women, even indulge in lesbian relationships with them."

Mary Smith, of course, is a mythical woman but to Bronte she represents women the world over who are experiencing an identity and gender crisis like she is.

These are women who don't know how to define themselves. These are women who wear permanent masks in public - and increasingly more in private - because they don't know who they are any more and are afraid of exposing their vulnerabilities.

Bronte believes that more and more women are bucking the male dominated system, refusing to pretend they're happy with their lot when they’re not and demanding a social structure that allows them to be mothers and lovers and vulnerable women without giving up their right to earn a living and be respected for their achievements and professional qualifications.

"I don’t want to wear a mask and pretend I’m a pseudo man," says Bronte. "And yet I don't want to be a housewife with nothing more interesting to do with my life than raise children, keep house and watch soaps on television."

"Jay has such an uncomplicated life in comparison to mine," sighs Bronte, "and that's because he's a man and I'm not. He works during the week, plays sport on the weekends and whether I'm a housewife or not I just fit in with his life."

"When we have children I will be fitting in with their lives, too," laughs Bronte. "I guess I'll never be 'me' with a clearly defined identity and lifestyle."

"I hope this is just a phase I'm going through" sighs Bronte. "I do love my husband and want to have children and a happy marriage -- but in doing so I don't want to lose myself."