mother-in-law care

Often, as in Alma’s case, when a woman marries she becomes responsible not only for her aging parents but also her husband’s aging parents; and because she married an older man, her mother-in-law caring role came earlier in the marriage than normal - as will her role as caregiver for her husband.

"My mother-in-law has two other children besides my husband," explains Alma, "but because I am a housewife and a caring sort of person I am expected to take care of the old lady. It’s a real burden for me, but I do it because I love my husband and for no other reason."

"My husband has provided very well for me financially when he dies," explains Alma, "but no amount of money will ever buy me the type of care in old age that I’m providing for my mother-in-law and will ultimately provide for my mother and husband."

"I think successful men like my husband tend to marry women much younger than themselves not only because younger women are more attractive than older women," explains Alma, "but also because younger women are likely to be alive and healthy and strong enough to care for them when they age - as well as the mother-in-law!"

"My husband Joe is 15 years older than me," says Alma, "and it really never crossed our minds in the early days that I’d end up caring for him in old age, but we talk about it now quite a lot."

"I love him dearly," says Alma, "so it will be no imposition for me at all. We have a wonderful marriage and he is a kind and gentle husband. I am truly blessed to be married to him."

"What I’m concerned about," explains Alma, "is the growing number of older men who are deliberately taking on very young wives, especially mail order brides, for no other reason it seems than to take care of them in old age. A lot of these young women are going to be dumping their husbands before that happens, and I really don’t blame them because it seems unfair to set up a woman for a marital caring role when she’s in the prime of her life."

"Nobody has ever suggested that it is about time that men took this responsibility on," says Alma. "I suppose they can always claim that it’s women’s work."

Read more by Alma on this subject:

the burden of caregiving

primitive vs western families