brain fog and infidelity

Being fired from her job was a wake up call Olivia needed in order to save her marriage and her relationship with her children.

"At first I was upset and angry when I got fired," says Olivia, "but because my marriage and relationship with my two kids had been faltering for many years, I soon welcomed the firing as an opportunity to sort things out with my husband, Al, and get the kids straightened out too. In a nutshell, the firing gave me the opportunity I needed to take charge of things!"

"Yes, Al was a straying husband," confesses Olivia. "And I rationalized all the signs of his betrayals. The kids knew that their dad was seeing other women, but they said nothing. After all, they were doing drugs at home and I had rationalized all the signs of that, too."

“Like most working women, I had been so stressed out juggling a myriad of life responsibilities that I missed the early signs of a straying husband, my kids getting mixed up with drugs and a looming firing at work,” says Olivia. “And, like most women, I was so trusting of my kids, my husband and my boss that I was willing to rationalize the obvious signs of trouble.”

"I don't think it has anything to do with intelligence, or lack of it," explains Olivia. "I just went about my daily life in a blur just like every other woman, rationalizing things I didn't want to face and assuming that if any troubles arise they can be easily fixed."

"It really is an unfortunate fact of our early socialization that we have been brought up to pay attention to what people tell us rather than listen to our inner guidance," says Olivia. "Even in the face of quite obvious signs of trouble we are more likely to believe what people say, and rationalize their bizarre behavior.”

“And this is exactly what I did."

“I now understand that I knew, deep down, that everything was wrong in my life - all the signs were there for me to see,” sighs Olivia, “and I also understand why I chose to ignore those signs or rationalize them.”

"That’s what the socialization process taught me to do," explains Olivia. "It taught me that feelings are silly or dangerous, and reason is superior. Reason is not superior -- feeling are, and rationalization is a curse!"

"I confronted Al about his womanizing, and the kids about their drugs," says Olivia, "and they were happy and relieved that everything is now out in the open."

“We’re working on our problems now,” confides Olivia, “and I now trust my feelings, no matter how silly or dangerous they seem to be.”

“I’m a lot more relaxed now that I’m home full-time, and it’s really empowering to have the time and the peace I need in order to listen to my inner guidance.”

“Al is a lot more attentive to me,” says Olivia, “and the kids have started telling me things they were too scared to tell me before.”

“It’s crazy that being fired from my job ended up saving my marriage and my relationship with my children,” laughs Olivia, “and I can’t believe that I was so engrossed in my job that I couldn’t see what was happening at home – or didn’t want to see.”

“If I could earn a dollar for every time I’ve heard someone say: ‘I had no idea he was leaving me, or I was going to be laid-off, or the company was in trouble, or whatever’ I would be rich by now,” laughs Olivia. “But a lot of my friends would be richer still from having heard me say it, too, but not any more!”

Read more about Olivia:

the toxic boss

trust your intuition on infidelity

Charity didn’t need her daughter to warn her that her husband, Mike, was attracted to another woman.

"I had been having niggling doubts about Mike’s sudden propensity to come home later than usual, and I knew that these were early signs of trouble in the marriage," says Charity.

"Both my daughter and I are highly intuitive women and Mike should have known better than to try and fool us!"

If she didn’t address these niggling doubts, Charity would have ended up with obvious signs of Mike’s infidelity such as stained or perfumed clothing, another woman’s hair on his jacket or tell-tale notes in his pockets.

"These niggling doubts are part of our survival system," explains Charity. "They are part of the early warning system by which our ancestors, the cave dwellers, knew that trouble was brewing in the shape of a large, hungry beast having picked up their scent."

"We don't have to worry about large, hungry beasts these days," laughs Charity, "but our natural intuition still operates very effectively to warn us when all is not well."

"However," adds Charity, "having been socialized to ignore our intuition, to rationalize it, to believe that others know better than we do, a lot of women feel uneasy."

"They know that something is wrong but they just don't have the courage to confront the person who is ringing early alarm bells and say to him: 'I feel there is something amiss here, please tell me what is going on, I need to know as I depend upon you for (insert appropriate need)'."

"They won't act in tune with their intuition," explains Charity, "because they know it will invite ridicule and protestations from the person they're confronting."

"Even when women present their husbands with cold, hard evidence of the incongruity between his behavior and the facts he will rarely say: 'Okay, you've caught me, where do we go from here?'"

"No," sighs Charity. "Instead, an inventive male mind will find a myriad of plausible explanations for the incongruity."

"And because most women are loyal and trusting and want their marriage to succeed," says Charity, "they will give their man the benefit of the doubt. Not once. Not twice. But as many times as it takes for either the wife or the husband to wake up to themselves."

Charity believes that having the courage to trust our intuition, and act in tune with it, is basic to freeing ourselves - and those in bad situations with us - from the bizarre behavior that results from a clash between what we are socialized to do and what our inner guidance tells us to do.

"Yes," says Charity, "we need rules in all relationships to promote civilized behavior, but just like remaining stationary at a red traffic light on a deserted road at 4 a.m. is a bit silly so is taking social rules too literally in any situation."

If Charity had rationalized Mike’s odd behavior rather than listening to her inner guidance and acting on it, then she would have been caught up in a bizarre dance with him that would have ultimately led to the demise of their marriage.

Charity always listens to her inner guidance, trusts it and acts in accordance with whatever it tells her to do.

"Being an intuitive woman in charge of my life involves being very much aware of my feelings and how they are affected by the behavior of others - particularly those I love," says Charity.

"When I confronted Mike with my suspicions, he, of course, denied that he was working late because of a woman," laughs Charity. "Guilty parties always lie - I expected it."

"I reminded him of our wedding vows - particularly the one about honesty and decency should either party feel attracted to another person - and that did the trick."

"Our agreement had been to separate before an affair started, giving the other party the freedom to find another lover, too," says Charity.

"If you’re attracted to another woman," I told Mike, "then be honest with me and do the right thing by me so that I can find someone else."

"I told him that I didn't believe him - if he had been genuinely busy at work, then he’d be bringing the work home as he'd always done in the past."

"And then I requested a separation - with him leaving the house - so that he could work out his feelings."

Given this straight talk from Charity - with a penalty she fully intended to pursue - Mike was reminded why he had married her in the first place.

She’s a strong, passionate woman and he was a fool for being momentarily distracted by one of the cute young things at work.

"Mike came home earlier than usual the next day, bringing me a dozen red roses," laughs Charity.

By confronting Mike at the early signs of trouble, by trusting her intuition and by never giving the benefit of the doubt, Charity had not only avoided getting caught up in a bizarre dance with Mike but had also saved her marriage.

(Charity's story first appeared as marriage saved by intuition and is reprinted with permission.)