Marital Matters

Personal stories about marital matters and separation issues.

November 16, 2012

a place to get lost and found in


At the time of the 9/11 Danielle was separated with two young girls and, like lots of people, lost her job immediately following the terrorist attack.  Rather than allowing the triple tragedies to depress her - losing her husband, her job and her security - Danielle decided to spread her wings and get lost somewhere far away from it all.

"I decided to take advantage of the layoff, a generous termination settlement and the extraordinarily cheap air fares to do some traveling," explains Danielle. "I just wanted to get away from it all and my ex didn't mind that I was taking the girls away - why should he?"

"I wasn’t at all concerned about terrorist attacks or flying," says Danielle. "I thought it would do the girls good to trust in flying after the terrible scenes they had witnessed on television, and deep down I knew I had to take a far away journey to cleanse my soul."

"The first available flight was one to Amsterdam," says Danielle, "and it felt right, it really did. I had never been there before, so I trusted that I was heading in the right direction."

Mostly a well-organized and savvy traveler there are now two cities in the world where Danielle can claim to have lost her usually very good sense of direction.

"Canberra in Australia, and Amsterdam in the Netherlands will live in my memory banks as two of the most confusingly laid out cities in the world I have ever visited," laughs Danielle, "but Amsterdam holds a special place in my heart for being the most memorable city I've visited."

"Upon arrival, I went around and around like an idiot, ending up further from my destination than anyone could believe possible." laughs Danielle.

"Maybe it's because both Canberra and Amsterdam have circular streets - rather than blocks," explains Danielle, "or maybe the maps I had picked up for both cities were misleading. Or maybe I was distracted - for a purpose. Who knows?"

"In Amsterdam's favor, even when I was lost I found interesting places to visit and faces to look at," laughs Danielle, "so it was an entirely different experience to that of being lost in Canberra -- which is a lot like Washington, full of suits and grey-faced politicians."

Danielle wants everyone to know that the Dutch men and women of Amsterdam are the best looking people in the world. She has never seen so many beautiful people in one place, and even her young daughters were impressed.

“Tall, graceful, stunningly attractive fair-haired Gods and Goddesses are everywhere in Amsterdam,” she enthuses. "Forget about the tulips, look at the beautiful people instead!"

One bright spark quipped upon hearing Danielle’s comment that the Gods and Goddesses she saw in Amsterdam were probably tourists or migrants from Sweden, but having visited Sweden she did not agree. But then, who knows, maybe all the good looking Swedes did migrate to Amsterdam.

"Whatever, not only are the people of Amsterdam good looking," says Danielle, "but they are also friendly and funny."

When she and the girls lurched into a photographer's shop to ask directions after finding themselves in the same little cobbled street for the umpteenth time after hours of walking, the Dutchie behind the counter engaged them in some light-hearted banter about cheeky tourists coming into his shop asking for directions rather than buying goods. He could have given Danielle bum directions, but he didn't.

Danielle deliberately avoided the red-light district of Amsterdam. Had there been blond Gods in the windows she might have been interested - purely for looking, mind you - but she says that prostitution here, like everywhere, is geared for male tourists. For female tourists, there are far more interesting things to see and do; and for female tourists with two little girls in tow it would not have been responsible to expose them to such sights.

Just walking alongside the canals, stopping to have coffee with the latte society that spills over into every cobbled square - and venturing into a myriad of cobbled lanes lined with fascinating shops - is a treat for any tourist, and the girls were thrilled by the novelty of a city built upon canals.

Danielle and the girls got lost not once, but many times during their stay in Amsterdam. Everyone was helpful. And they were not the only tourists lost in Amsterdam. During one of their lost interludes Danielle and the girls bumped into a Chinese student they had met on the plane who was similarly lost.

For all Danielle knows, maybe everyone walking around Amsterdam is lost. But what a wonderful place to get lost in - and be found in.

Asked whether she regretted spending so much money taking her girls overseas, Danielle replies that she has no regrets whatsoever.

"After 9/11, there was so much misery in the world - in addition to personal miseries like separation and job loss - that I wanted to give my girls, and myself, a happy time," confides Danielle. "It was a Dutch treat, I suppose!"