rocks and slimy places
Dorothy, 31, is separated with three children and the whole family has to exist on welfare as a result of being abandoned by a man who not only couldn't accept responsibility for the financial care of his family but was an abuser, too.
"I thought my ex was the worst lowlife I could ever expect to meet," confesses Dorothy, "but unfortunately my vulnerability in the early period of separation brought them out from under all the rocks and slimy places."
"My ex, like a lot of men, is very good at manipulation," explains Dorothy, "otherwise known as screwing."
"By 'screwing' I mean the act or the art of gaining power or unjust reward by twisting a person into a fixed no-win position in the same manner as a screw is twisted into a lump of wood."
"The person wielding the screw is the 'screwer' or manipulator - usually a man, and the lump of wood is the screwee or the person being manipulated - usually a trusting, loving woman or child."
"Unfortunately," says Dorothy, "the ability to be screwed or manipulated is almost a defining characteristic of being a woman, and that has a lot to do with the way we are raised, our size and our vulnerability - particularly when we are protecting young children, as I am."
"Screwers can be anybody," says Dorothy, "and what they want from you is generally something that you have that they don't have - even if it's something intangible like a happy disposition or a great smile."
"And if they don't want something you've got, they want to deprive you of your enjoyment of life by spoiling it or devaluing its worth."
"Basically, these deadbeat guys just build themselves up by putting us down."
"I once had a happy disposition and a great smile but for years my husband - now my ex - effectively robbed me of these beautiful assets by making my life miserable and hurting the kids."
"He also devalued my happy disposition and great smile by calling me stupid for smiling and being happy all the time."
"And, because I had a slight defect in one of my front teeth he focused on it so much that ultimately I was made to feel self-conscious about smiling."
"I’m still in the process of picking up the pieces of my life and doing my best to provide stability for the kids," explains Dorothy, "and when I feel strong enough I’d love to go back to work and make a new life for myself."
"My main interest right now is making life as happy as I can for my children after their deadbeat dad made it so miserable."
Dorothy is adamant about teaching her children all the things that no school book can teach them. She thinks that 'Screwing 001' would be a good course for all students!
"Because they operate with different motives and different payoffs," says Dorothy, "the behaviors of screwers are all different."
"There are nice screwers and there are rotten screwers. If caught out, the nice guys get off with a laugh and the bad guys get sent to jail - like mine should have - but men who make the lives of their wives and children miserable aren't considered bad guys, are they? It's called a relationship failure rather than what it really is."
"Psychologists may claim that when screwers bungle a screw they are often unconsciously attempting to get caught and punished," explains Dorothy, "and perhaps there's some truth in this if the offenders are in conflict about screwing someone they like - even love. More likely, though, the offenders just don't have what it takes to be a successful screwer."
Dorothy maintains that when nice screwers are successful we don't generally feel too bad about being screwed by them.
"Often you will hear women say things like: 'He took me for all I had, but I had a great time with him - he made me laugh like nobody else could - and he left me with my self-esteem intact'," says Dorothy. "These women aren’t stupid, they’re realistic."
"When rotten screwers are successful," explains Dorothy, "we feel awful because they screw up our lives and take not only all we have but our self-esteem as well."
"These are the people we really need to protect ourselves and our children from. And unfortunately my ex turned out to be one of the really bad guys."
"He's a good looking guy and you'd never suspect him of being an abuser," sighs Dorothy, "but he was rotten to the core. We’re so much better off without him. He blamed us for everything that went wrong in his life. He made us feel worthless."
"When I came out of the marriage I thought I was free to find real love," explains Dorothy, "but I was way too vulnerable to protect myself and my children."
"I thought I needed a man in my life in order to be whole, and that stupid mind-set nearly brought my children and I more grief."
"What separated moms like me may not realize," confides Dorothy, "is that many of the guys they attract are more interested in their children than them."
"What these screwers wanted was to rob my children of their innocence," explains Dorothy, "and they court me in order to get to my kids."
"Separated moms are often preyed upon by pedophiles," says Dorothy, "and there’s no telling who they are because they’re usually the nicest of men. You can never be sure about these things."
"If there’s one bit of advice that all mothers need - but particularly single mothers," confides Dorothy, "it’s to protect their children from all men - including their fathers."
"I thought my ex was the worst lowlife I could ever expect to meet," confesses Dorothy, "but unfortunately my vulnerability in the early period of separation brought them out from under all the rocks and slimy places."
"My ex, like a lot of men, is very good at manipulation," explains Dorothy, "otherwise known as screwing."
"By 'screwing' I mean the act or the art of gaining power or unjust reward by twisting a person into a fixed no-win position in the same manner as a screw is twisted into a lump of wood."
"The person wielding the screw is the 'screwer' or manipulator - usually a man, and the lump of wood is the screwee or the person being manipulated - usually a trusting, loving woman or child."
"Unfortunately," says Dorothy, "the ability to be screwed or manipulated is almost a defining characteristic of being a woman, and that has a lot to do with the way we are raised, our size and our vulnerability - particularly when we are protecting young children, as I am."
"Screwers can be anybody," says Dorothy, "and what they want from you is generally something that you have that they don't have - even if it's something intangible like a happy disposition or a great smile."
"And if they don't want something you've got, they want to deprive you of your enjoyment of life by spoiling it or devaluing its worth."
"Basically, these deadbeat guys just build themselves up by putting us down."
"I once had a happy disposition and a great smile but for years my husband - now my ex - effectively robbed me of these beautiful assets by making my life miserable and hurting the kids."
"He also devalued my happy disposition and great smile by calling me stupid for smiling and being happy all the time."
"And, because I had a slight defect in one of my front teeth he focused on it so much that ultimately I was made to feel self-conscious about smiling."
"I’m still in the process of picking up the pieces of my life and doing my best to provide stability for the kids," explains Dorothy, "and when I feel strong enough I’d love to go back to work and make a new life for myself."
"My main interest right now is making life as happy as I can for my children after their deadbeat dad made it so miserable."
Dorothy is adamant about teaching her children all the things that no school book can teach them. She thinks that 'Screwing 001' would be a good course for all students!
"Because they operate with different motives and different payoffs," says Dorothy, "the behaviors of screwers are all different."
"There are nice screwers and there are rotten screwers. If caught out, the nice guys get off with a laugh and the bad guys get sent to jail - like mine should have - but men who make the lives of their wives and children miserable aren't considered bad guys, are they? It's called a relationship failure rather than what it really is."
"Psychologists may claim that when screwers bungle a screw they are often unconsciously attempting to get caught and punished," explains Dorothy, "and perhaps there's some truth in this if the offenders are in conflict about screwing someone they like - even love. More likely, though, the offenders just don't have what it takes to be a successful screwer."
Dorothy maintains that when nice screwers are successful we don't generally feel too bad about being screwed by them.
"Often you will hear women say things like: 'He took me for all I had, but I had a great time with him - he made me laugh like nobody else could - and he left me with my self-esteem intact'," says Dorothy. "These women aren’t stupid, they’re realistic."
"When rotten screwers are successful," explains Dorothy, "we feel awful because they screw up our lives and take not only all we have but our self-esteem as well."
"These are the people we really need to protect ourselves and our children from. And unfortunately my ex turned out to be one of the really bad guys."
"He's a good looking guy and you'd never suspect him of being an abuser," sighs Dorothy, "but he was rotten to the core. We’re so much better off without him. He blamed us for everything that went wrong in his life. He made us feel worthless."
"When I came out of the marriage I thought I was free to find real love," explains Dorothy, "but I was way too vulnerable to protect myself and my children."
"I thought I needed a man in my life in order to be whole, and that stupid mind-set nearly brought my children and I more grief."
"What separated moms like me may not realize," confides Dorothy, "is that many of the guys they attract are more interested in their children than them."
"What these screwers wanted was to rob my children of their innocence," explains Dorothy, "and they court me in order to get to my kids."
"Separated moms are often preyed upon by pedophiles," says Dorothy, "and there’s no telling who they are because they’re usually the nicest of men. You can never be sure about these things."
"If there’s one bit of advice that all mothers need - but particularly single mothers," confides Dorothy, "it’s to protect their children from all men - including their fathers."
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