Marital Matters

Personal stories about marital matters and separation issues.

November 24, 2006

bored housewife to cybersex addict

Karen is 36 and was a bored housewife until she got online and became a cybersex addict.

"I didn't get on the Net to become a cybersex addict," laughs Karen. "I didn't even know what the word meant. I just started chatting in a room with a lot of married men and women. Everyone was flirting and I joined in. It was fun!"

Karen's net addiction moved quickly from public flirting in a chat room to cybersex in private rooms. Rather than using the experience as a way to spice up marital sex - in the way that many housewives do - Karen became addicted to it.

"Bill and I started off happily enough," says Karen, "but after two kids and years of the same old stuff the sexual part of our marriage fizzled out. I certainly wasn't interested in reviving it."

"Bill's boring," laughs Karen. "We stopped sleeping together years ago. I sleep in the master bedroom and Bill sleeps in the den. I use a laptop computer in my bedroom and Bill wouldn't have a clue what I get up to online."

Upon adopting the alias of Azure, Karen became an alluring young woman who flirted in private chat rooms with men calling themselves Adonis, Thor and Boxer and within a few weeks she had started a serious one-on-one chat with a guy who called himself Jupiter.

Many online romances do, indeed, work out in real life but when two people called Azure and Jupiter start an online romance on the basis of a pack of lies then nothing but misery can eventuate from it.

Karen lied about her marital status, her age, her weight and everything else. No doubt Jupiter did, too, but this is Karen's story, not his. She totally lost touch with reality. She invented a young woman called Azure and became that person not only when she was online, but offline, too.

She was no longer 36 years old, overweight, mousy-haired and brown eyed. She found a picture of a beautiful, young, blue-eyed, blonde model and passed it off to Jupiter as being herself. At least he had the good sense to send her a picture of an ordinary-looking guy.

No doubt inflamed by the beautiful picture of Azure, Jupiter soon wanted cybersex from Karen. Her own sexlife was non-existent and although writing dirty words to a total stranger was at first a little weird, Karen quickly warmed to it and really enjoyed it.

In real life, Karen had lost the plot. She spent all of her time either online with Jupiter or fantasizing about him. She only attended to the housework and shopping when her husband and children nagged her, and although in reality the woman looking back at her in the mirror looked just like the bored housewife she once was, Karen only saw Azure.

The crunch came for Karen when Jupiter wanted to meet her in person. For weeks Karen made excuses and then finally gave in.

"I didn’t start out on the Net looking for a new guy in real life," explains Karen, "but my feelings became so strong for Jupiter that I was prepared to leave Bill and the kids for him."

Naturally, Jupiter was horrified by the Azure that met him and his reaction temporarily shocked Karen back to reality. Only this time she became more miserable than ever. Without Jupiter to give her life meaning, poor Karen was lost. Or she was until she came across a guy calling himself Pac-Man who gave her a dose of her own medicine.

"When Pac-Man and I met," sighs Karen, "he looked nothing like the photograph he had sent to me!"

Karen continues to trawl the Net looking for a new guy to give her life meaning and has become a hardened predator, determined to enjoy the ride and not get hurt by it again.

"Onlookers may scoff and say, 'get a life Karen', but life away from the Internet is no life at all for me," she confides. "Cybersex is the most exciting thing I've ever done in my life."

"Anyway, cybersex is just a small part of what net addiction is all about," adds Karen.

"Women who hang around in chat-rooms also make friends - and befriending people from all over the world is the most rewarding part of being a Netizen."

"At any time of the day and night there is always someone online to chat to, so net addiction is as much related to loneliness as it is to boredom."

"I've made friends with lots of other women on the net," says Karen. "We're all involved with an online guy. It's our main topic of conversation. We hang around chatting until our special guy arrives, and then we go private with him. Everyone does it."

Unless Karen wakes up and gets real, her story seems to be destined for more and more sordid cyber affairs that will ultimately lead to her marriage breaking up.

"The Net has opened up a new world for me," says Karen, "but I'm not prepared to admit that I no longer love Bill and want out of the marriage."

"I know that lots of women involved in cybersex have left their husbands - with or without a new guy in the wings - but I'm not deliberately doing this to get out of my marriage. Now that I'm into cybersex for fun, I'm quite happy with the way things are at home."

"I want to be married and financially supported by a guy."

"I would have left Bill for Jupiter," sighs Karen, "but that wasn't meant to be."

"No marriage is perfect and few women claim to achieve wedded bliss," says Karen. "Boredom is often the lot of stay-at-home moms, but it's preferable to the poverty and loneliness of a divorced life. Cybersex is giving me what my marriage can't give me. It's taken away the boredom!"

Getting a job to ease her boredom may not be as exciting as cybersex with strangers, but it's a tried and tested solution that many bored married women resort to.

"Me, get a job?" responds Karen. "You've got to be joking, I've got it made with Bill. And if he finds out what I'm doing online I don't really think he'd care."

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