a kept woman

Cissy and Felix were poor, young migrants in a strange new country when they met in the mid-1970s and they married to get ahead and solve accommodation problems more than anything else.

"I had two jobs and a bit of money saved and Felix had nothing when we married," says Cissy. "He was behind in the rent and I moved in with him and paid his expenses until he got a job and started earning money."

"In those days men earned twice as much as women," sighs Cissy. "It didn't seem fair that I had to work two jobs - day and night - to earn as much as he did, but that was why marriage was so attractive to me. It was the only way a woman could get ahead in life."

"More than anything else I wanted a home of my own - not just because it was such a waste of money to pay rent but also because I missed my home in the old country," says Cissy. "As soon as Felix started a steady job, with regular wages, we used my savings as a deposit on a cheap house and I gave up my second job. We were so happy - we were on our way!"

"Felix and I liked each other and we got on reasonably well," explains Cissy, "but there was no romance between us. We weren't in love or anything like that. Our marriage was a business arrangement more than anything else. We were helping each other get ahead in life - it was the sort of thing lots of young people did in those days, and still do if they don't have a rich family to help them."

"Felix decided to start a business of his own about the same time as I got promoted at work," says Cissy, "and for a time I was earning a lot more money than he was, and then the unthinkable happened. I got pregnant!"

"It was a contraceptive failure - neither Felix nor I had planned on having children," explains Cissy, "but when the pregnancy became known neither of us contemplated an abortion. We just accepted it as one of those things and adjusted our lives to the prospect of a new mouth to feed."

"One of the bad consequences of pregnancy in those days was that I had to leave work," explains Cissy. "I was forced into becoming totally financially dependant upon Felix and I felt ashamed to be a burden on him."

"Felix gave me a weekly allowance for housekeeping and personal expenses for myself and our baby daughter," says Cissy, "and I was made to feel even more ashamed if I could not make ends meet."

"Year after year Felix gave me the same amount of money - no matter how much prices had gone up," sighs Cissy, "and I never complained or asked him for more."

"I became very clever at making clothes, mending things and growing our own vegetables," says Cissy, "and while our daughter never went without anything, I had to accept that there was never going to be anything left for me."

"Felix's business was doing well, but he always complained that it wasn't doing well enough," says Cissy. "I understood that he needed to pour a lot of money into the business - and keep up the image of a successful businessman - so at first it didn't really bother me that he needed to buy a new company car every year, and new office equipment and new suits and things."

"After six years as a 'kept woman' - feeling dowdy and depressed - I wanted to go back to work and be able to earn my own income," says Cissy, "but Felix insisted that his business depended upon my being there for him - day and night - for emergencies."

"He never paid me for the odd jobs I'd do for his business," explains Cissy, "he just took it for granted that I'd always be there to help him, and do his washing and cooking and cleaning up after him."

"I had no idea how much he was making," says Cissy. "He kept all financial records at his office, and the only time he mentioned money was to complain about not having enough. He did this, of course, to make me feel obliged to make the paltry allowance he gave me stretch further than ever."

"In six years I had not seen a dentist or a hair-dresser - far too expensive - or bought myself anything," says Cissy, "and when I got a bad toothache one day I decided that it was time to put my foot down and start looking after myself."

"Felix had never stinted himself on any personal expense - he always had sparkling white teeth, sharp new haircuts and fancy clothes to go with the fancy company car," explains Cissy. "I explained that I had no money and needed to see a dentist immediately and he had the cheek to accuse me of being a bad housekeeper for not saving up for such emergencies."

"Reluctantly, he gave me some extra money to see a dentist, but from that day onwards our marriage was dead," says Cissy. "I insisted on going back to work and when I had saved enough money to take care of myself, I asked for a divorce."

"Felix had obviously planned as much for this day as I had," explains Cissy. "He packed some clothes and left the same day - without any sort of scene whatsoever."

"The following week I received a letter from Felix advising me to sell the house - now worth a small fortune - and I became suspicious," says Cissy. "The house was in both of our names, but I had provided the deposit for the house and had worked my fingers to the bone maintaining it throughout the entire marriage. The last thing I wanted was to give up my home."

"I wrote back to Felix saying he gets to keep the business, equipment and car, I get to keep the house," says Cissy "and that's all I wanted. I knew his business was probably worth a lot more than the house, but I didn't care. I just wanted to be a free woman again."

"As usual, Felix moaned about the business not doing too good, and the expense of having to rent an apartment," says Cissy, "and because he knew I had saved up a bit of money from my new job he actually stung me for half of my savings - which at that time was barely $10,000 - in the divorce and property settlement. After paying Felix and my lawyer, I had no money left."

"It never occurred to me - or my lawyer - to investigate Felix's business and property dealings," says Cissy. "I learned years later that Felix actually owned the apartment he moved to and had extensive investment portfolios that I never knew he had. The property settlement between us had been a total fraud on his behalf."

"For the whole marriage - including the period I was working - I had scrimped and saved and done without while Felix maintained the image of lifestyle of a successful businessman," sighs Cissy. "I kept accurate housekeeping records and when I went back to work I was open and honest about what I earned, spent and saved while Felix remained totally secretive about his financial affairs - but always crying poor, of course."

"Poor fool me for being a mousy kept woman!" laughs Cissy. "I should have demanded ten times as much housekeeping money as Felix gave me, and insisted on being privy to his financial affairs."

"We went into this marriage to help each other - to be partners in every sense of the word," says Cissy, "and if it were not for an unplanned pregnancy, and being forced to leave work, he would never have become so mean, cunning and secretive about money."

"That he screwed me out of half of my hard-earned savings at the end of the marriage means that he must have resented having to support me and a child in the early years and never took into account the net worth of the work I was doing for him at home - and for his business," sighs Cissy. "I needed to keep on scrimping and saving when I went back to work because I knew I'd need the money for a divorce - but I didn't expect to end up penniless. If he had been successful in coercing me to sell the house he would probably have screwed me out of half of the sale money, too!"

"What a mean, cunning louse!"

"Frankly, I'm well rid of him," concludes Cissy. "A liar and a fraud like him will get his just desserts one day. It's all very well wanting to get ahead in life, but only a fool does so at the expense of others in co-operative, trusting relationships."