vulnerability to guardian angels

Gemma is separated from a really mean and manipulative guy after a very short marriage – someone who took advantage of her emotionally and financially – and in admitting that her only aim in life is to be happily married with kids she knows she is vulnerable to ‘guardian angels’ (guys who pretend to care, but simply see her as easy prey.

"This time around I truly believe I have gained insight about my vulnerability," says Gemma, "and I don't think it's impossible for me to put the past behind me and move forward with someone new."

"If I tell a new guy about all the guys who've hurt me in the past - and particularly what my estranged husband did to me," explains Gemma, "I'll be exposing myself as an easy target for being screwed again, and I don’t want that.”

"When a relationship ended in the past I tended to pour my heart out to anyone who will listen," sighs Gemma, "and when I'm in this vulnerable state it's too easy to believe that any guy who really listens to me is special, a true guardian angel."

"I'm aware that a new guy who's especially interested in, and sympathetic to, all the ways in which my former guy screwed up my life is going to be particularly dangerous," says Gemma, “and this time around I am going to be very careful about getting involved with another emotional or financial crook posing as my guardian angel.”

"I'm not going to hide my failed marriage – treat it like a 'skeleton' in my closet, something I'm ashamed of,” says Gemma, “because everyone makes mistakes and the worst thing I can do going forward is to present myself as a victim.”

“If I am unlucky enough to meet another screwer, then it's going to be to his advantage to know what my strengths and weaknesses are,” says Gemma, “and while I intend to be truthful about my failed marriage I am certainly not going to expose myself by spilling the many ways in which my estranged husband screwed me emotionally or financially.”

“Confession may be good for the soul,” laughs Gemma, “but if I ever feel that low and vulnerable then I will confess to a priest or to someone with a long and unblemished track record for keeping confidences – not to someone new I hope to marry and have kids with.”

Read more about Gemma:

karmic connection guys

head for the bar, but zip lips!

be mysterious and survive

declarations of war

When one person in a failed marriage refuses to separate peacefully, preferring to hassle the other person in punishment for daring to end the relationship, Athena, 44, believes that a declaration of war has been issued and even though it is not expressed as such it nevertheless exists.

"My husband effectively declared war on me when I could no longer stand his abuse and asked for a separation," says Athena. "I should have been alerted to an upcoming war - after all, an abuser never gives up, it's the nature of the beast - but I was protected by law and believed I would be safe."

"Because of continuing parental rights," says Athena, "I was forced by law to endure his continuing presence in my life via his access visits with our son, and while I could tolerate this - and indeed welcomed a break from parenting to have a life of my own - I did not expect him to stoop so low that he would be willing to destroy the little boy's life in order to punish me."

"The financial insults, and there were plenty of them, didn't hurt me at all," says Athena. "Sometimes the child maintenance money arrived, sometimes it didn't. He refused to put the money in a banking account. He insulted me by shoving it in my hand, as if he was paying a prostitute rather than giving the money to help support his son."

"The money he gave me was barely enough to cover my boy's expenses," says Athena, "but to have changed the maintenance payments would have required a court appearance and I didn't wish to beg or have further dealings with him other than was necessary."

"The war was on his part, and his part alone," says Athena. "I just got on with my life and did my best to ignore the gross inequalities in our financial situations. I was poor, but I was free."

"It was awful the way he insulted me by trying to poison other people's minds against me - including my family – and most of all our little boy’s mind," says Athena. "His poisoning behavior not only isolated me from support - forcing me to find new friends - but it also made me realize how shallow human nature can be.”

“Even though a lot of former friends may have drifted off because they didn't want to get involved, some definitely shunned me."

"Nobody really wins any war," sighs Athena, "and the war my ex-husband declared after we separated -- using our son as pawn -- was a losing situation for us all."

"Get married again? I don't think so!"

Read more of Athena’s story:

child poisoning access visits