a stress-free separation?

Hazel is 27, separated with one child, and has made so many changes to her life already -- in such a short space of time -- that it’s scary to hear she’s also planning on having another baby. The separation period is traditionally a time of new direction, but it’s not generally the ideal time to be creating another mouth to feed!

Hazel explains her new direction in terms of a spiritual calling.

"Everyone seems to think that spirituality can only be expressed in meditation and other introspective pursuits," explains Hazel, "but for me the epitome of spirituality is expressing love and creating life. I’m following a divine path. Having a baby is what makes me a divine woman."

Hazel is clearly doing so well as a new single working mom that the path she’s traveling is obviously the right one for her.

"My new employer is really enlightened," enthuses Hazel, "and that’s a definite bonus for women planning to expand their families."

"After 12 months of continuous employment I’ll be entitled to 12 weeks of paid maternity leave, and I can also take off as much unpaid leave as I need with the guarantee that my job will be there for me when I return to work after giving birth."

"Isn’t that great?" enthuses Hazel. "With such supportive conditions, why wouldn't I want to have another baby?"

"I deliberately chose this job over others available to me because it supported my future plans," explains Hazel.

Hazel had no hassles when her marriage broke up, and the divorce promises to be just as uneventful.

"My ex and I both have new partners," says Hazel, "and access visits and maintenance payments have gone ahead without a hitch."

"My ex plans on marrying his new partner when the divorce is finalized," says Hazel, "but my new guy and I have agreed on an ‘arrangement’ that allows us to continue leading single lives."

Marriage didn’t suit Hazel, but motherhood did.

"I really enjoyed pregnancy, giving birth and breastfeeding my little girl," says Hazel, "and I am so looking forward to having my second child."

"Being separated and a single mom is no big deal," says Hazel. "Life goes on as normal and the only real hassle in my life right now is having to wait a year before I can get pregnant - but that year will coincide with my divorce so I guess it all works out as it should."

"I feel it's important to give my little girl a brother or a sister," says Hazel, "and it shouldn’t matter that they have different fathers."

"In fact," laughs Hazel, "I believe that having two fathers will be a decided plus in my children’s lives!"

With a new job, a new man and a stress-free separation it looks like Hazel has it all together and can look forward to getting everything she wants.

She has been blessed with the green light all the way.

"When the universe blesses you with a green light, as it has for me," explains Hazel, "it’s not only a sign that you’re on the right spiritual path but it’s also a sign that you must make the most of your good fortune by asking for everything you want."

"Spirituality is not about suffering and deprivation, it’s about joy and creation - and that's why pregnancy and childbirth are so sacred to me."

(Hazel's story first appeared as all she wants is another baby! and is reprinted with permission.)

father's day misconception

With two children under three running her ragged and being nagged by her husband Troy to lose a bit of weight and get her act together Claudia couldn't believe her bad luck when she discovered she was pregnant again. How could this be?

"Since the last child's birth Troy and I had only had sex twice," sighs Claudia, "and both times I hated it and just did it to please him."

"Troy had used a condom both times - I made sure he did - and either he didn't put it on properly the last time we had sex or it was a dud condom."

"Ironically, the last time we had sex was on Father's Day. Troy had been in a bad mood because the kids had been playing up and I suppose he used sex to vent his frustrations on me."

"Either way I was the loser," sighs Claudia. "The last thing I needed was another baby on my hands, and when I told Troy I was pregnant he wasn't happy either - actually he was angry at me. As if it was my fault!"

"Things got very tense at home after that - and Troy was staying out later and later to avoid me," says Claudia.

"Our marriage was virtually on the rocks and I was trapped - and this new baby was going to get me further into a state of physical and mental wreckage than I was already."

"This baby had not been conceived out of love and passion like the other two children," says Claudia, " and I felt terrible about bringing an unwanted child into the world."

"As if to acknowledge its misconception that poor soul aborted itself," sighs Claudia.

"When I was nearly three months pregnant I started bleeding heavily and had to be rushed to hospital."

"Troy just dumped me at the door of the hospital and took off with the kids," explains Claudia, "and I had to face the ordeal ahead of me on my own."

"I was lying on the pre-op bed crying helplessly when a male nurse came in and said he had to shave me."

"The utter powerlessness of my situation was now complete."

"A selfish husband had forced himself on me and made me pregnant - and now a strange male nurse was going to shave my pubic area so that a male doctor could perform a curette and rid me of the fetus that the selfish husband had created."

"After the curette, I called Troy and I waited outside the hospital until he arrived."

"We went home in silence - only the kids were chatting - and after a few hours of sleep I got up and went about my normal duties."

"If this is as good as it gets then that poor misconceived soul was smart to opt out of such a cruel and miserable life."

Claudia's story first appeared as misconception and miscarriage and is reprinted with permission.

a viral marriage

Caitlin's passion for Patrick overcame her revulsion of the cold sores - herpes simplex - he developed every so often on his lips and was able to hide with a beard, but after marriage and pregnancy she discovered that herpes wasn't the only health hazard that she and the new infant were exposed to.

"I was always worried about catching the cold sores from Patrick," says Caitlin, "but by cutting out kissing when the sores were active I was pretty well safeguarded and during our six-month courtship I never contracted the virus myself."

"It's possible that I was already immune to the virus," says Caitlin, "but I wasn't taking any chances - I just didn't want to go through life having to cope with sores on my mouth that I couldn't hide with a beard like Patrick did."

"I am very particular about my health as you can tell," laughs Caitlin, "and I was also a virgin when I met Patrick - so we did things very slowly."

"We did have sex before marriage but it wasn't until I had been married for a few months that I started getting vaginal yeast infections."

"Technically I suppose yeast infections - thrush or monilia - aren't classed as STDs," says Caitlin, "but I certainly didn't have these infections before I started having regular sex so what else are they if they're not sexually transmitted?"

"I was torn between my passion for Patrick and the fact that kissing him and making love with him was a health hazard," sighs Caitlin.

"It's a bit silly when a married couple have to use condoms, but that's how we coped - it was either that or continual courses of medication to clear up the yeast infection."

"When it was time to start a family I expected that everything would sort itself out," says Caitlin, "but that's when my troubles started in earnest."

"Throughout my whole pregnancy I was cursed with the most obnoxious yeast infection you could imagine - huge chunks of cottage cheese type yeast were present in my vagina and the usual medication just didn't work."

"I resisted my doctor's suggestion to try a stronger medication as I didn't want to do anything to harm the baby," explains Caitlin. "I just put up with it. It was so horrible that Patrick didn't want to come near me in case he caught it - even though he caused it to start off with!"

"The doctor warned me that if I didn't clear up the yeast infection before the baby was born there was a risk the child would be born with it, too," says Caitlin, "and I decided to cross that bridge when I came to it."

"Now that Patrick wasn't wanting to have sex with me there was a possibility that the yeast infection would clear up - and it did - but unfortunately our baby son was tested positive for yeast infection and needed medication straight away after birth."

"As luck would have it Patrick got a bad case of cold sores as soon as I gave birth and the doctor warned him not to go near the baby until his sores had cleared up."

"It was bad enough that I had given the baby a yeast infection without Patrick giving him the herpes simplex virus - for which there is no cure - and I naively trusted that Patrick would do the right thing."

"A week after returning from the maternity hospital a tell-tale sore appeared on the baby's lips and I was devastated," says Caitlin. "Patrick denied kissing the baby, but I could tell he was lying. How could he deliberately infect a new born baby with that awful virus?"

"Patrick and I had a lot of arguments after that," says Caitlin. "I realized that marrying him had been a health risk from the start and while I was willing to take responsibility for the risk to myself I was not willing to risk my child's health - especially when Patrick had deliberately infected my new-born baby with an incurable virus."

"I couldn't trust him any more," says Caitlin, "and when trust is broken, love and attraction fly out the window."

"We're still living together for the sake of our child," says Caitlin, "but there's no married life between us and although herpes simplex is not a life sentence like HIV could be, I still feel very upset for the terrible curse that Patrick inflicted on my little baby."

Caitlin's story first appeared as health hazard husband and is reprinted with permission.

sperm donor wanted

When Leanne thinks of Cyndi Lauper's song True Colors she's reminded of her ex husband, Jack, who was as proud as a peacock when she told him she was pregnant - but later discovered that it was his ability to make a baby that he was proud of, not the prospect of raising a child with her.

"When Jack started avoiding me after taking me out to dinner to celebrate my pregnancy I knew I was in trouble, " says Leanne.

"There was no way I was capable of raising a child on my own and if Jack didn't want to participate in the child's future then I needed to get an abortion as quickly as possible."

"I finally managed to get Jack to agree to a discussion," says Leanne, "and I laid my cards clearly in front of him."

"He maintained that the decision to go ahead with the pregnancy or have an abortion was entirely my decision," says Leanne. "He didn't see the life growing inside me as being a responsibility of his - even though it was his sperm that created it."

"Faced with the brutal truth I had very little alternative."

"Jack didn't say so but I suppose he had contemplated a future divorce and a lifetime spent paying maintenance for a child he didn't want."

"I was 36 and this may have been my last chance to become a mother," says Leanne, "but when I looked at Jack that night and saw what a lily-livered coward he was I didn't want a man like that to be the father of my child."

"I made an appointment to have an abortion and the counseling session was really trying for me," sighs Leanne.

"I suppose by then the hormones had kicked in and I was feeling 'clucky' and 'protective' even though my brain was totally against having this child."

"It was the first - and hopefully the last - abortion I will ever have to endure," says Leanne. "It didn't hurt and I was treated very well but I couldn't help but cry like a baby when it was all over."

"The whole male-female situation really stinks," sighs Leanne. "Jack and I hadn't planned on having a child -- it just happened, despite contraception -- and it really sucks that the woman has to pay the consequences of what a man's sperm does."

"Jack had been so proud that at 47 he was firing healthy sperm rather than 'blanks' -- which is how he put it -- and that's all there was to it as far as he was concerned."

"If he had wanted proof of his fertility than he should have got it at a clinic -- not through my misery and the murder of a new human being."

"A bad choice of man?"

"Well, tell me how to pick a good one," sighs Leanne.

"Anyway, someone else might have let me down when it was too late for an abortion," says Leanne. "If Jack has one redeeming point it is that he showed his true colors early enough for me to right a great wrong."

"After the abortion, there was no point continuing with the marriage," says Leanne. "Jack was a flake and a poor excuse for a man. He even chickened out of accompanying me to the abortion clinic. I had to go through it all on my own."

"What's the use of having a husband if he's not there for you?"

"I'm considering going ahead and having a sperm donor baby," confides Leanne. "I know it will be difficult being a single mom, but considering the woeful quality of potential husbands and fathers out there I believe it's the only option open to me?"

"Wish me luck!"

(Leanne's story first appeared as true colors and is reprinted with permission.)