separating from debt

Bonnie is 26, a factory worker and she's also newly separated. Her brief marriage was a mistake - a costly one - but she's now enjoying her newly reclaimed freedom by sharing an apartment with two female co-workers and watching her pennies.

"My ex-husband got me into debt - he was a gambler," explains Bonnie, "and my focus from now on is getting my financial affairs in order and making sure that I never lose my personal integrity again."

"When the factory management asked us to take a pay cut," says Bonnie, "I was disappointed to lose money and thought I was being screwed all over again but after considering my options I went along willingly with the company’s request."

"I work for monetary reward just like everyone else," explains Bonnie, "but some of my girlfriends work primarily for the most money they can get and preferred to quit rather than accept a pay cut."

In today's globalized, off-shoring economic climate, Bonnie believes that people are lucky if they still have a job, so quitting a job that requires you to make a salary sacrifice is a bit risky. She feels that the chances of finding a similar job with a salary commensurate with what she wants is not high.

"I feel my girlfriends made a mistake," says Bonnie, "because in the long run they may be forced to accept a position with a much lower pay than the one they rejected."

Bonnie admits that it is not fair that companies are laying off staff or requiring salary sacrifices in order to meet their profit margins, but in an employer's market she accepts that we have very little say in the matter.

"There are far too many people in the world looking for work," says Bonnie, "and there are simply not enough jobs available to employ everybody. If you want to survive and lead an independent life - like I do - you've got to be realistic about these things."

"The jobs my girlfriends are quitting will be quickly filled," says Bonnie, "and probably by immigrant workers willing to work for less than the pay cut rate."

The laws of supply and demand operate perfectly these days to ensure that those who are willing to work for less monetary reward are the ones who are winning the jobs.

Bonnie believes that going on strike will not work, either. If your job is one that can be outsourced or given to an immigrant worker, it will be.

Money is not exactly Bonnie’s key motivating factor in turning up at work each day. Being recently separated she needs the distraction that work gives her. It takes her mind off her troubles. And she actually enjoys the working experience.

"I'm well aware that a lot of people only work for money and cannot get enough of it - not because they need it but because it determines their 'worth' as a human being, " says Bonnie. "My ex-husband was like that."

"I don't judge my value as a human being by the amount of money I have or earn," says Bonnie. "I'll never appear on lists of the world's richest nor do I aspire to be on such lists, and as such I'm amenable to a pay cut as long as the cut doesn't deprive me of the ability to pay my bills - and my ex-husband's debts."

"It's this amenability, and these responsibilities, that keep me in a job," says Bonnie. "I guess you can call me a job survivor."

There are many people who work simply to pay the bills - and have a life outside of work - and just as many who work for the love of working, like Bonnie, and really do not care how much they earn just as long as what they get pays the bills.

Faced with the prospect of salary cuts to keep her job, Bonnie accepted the realities of the current economy. She does not love her job so much that she will put in extra hours without pay to help the company boost its profit margin. She would, however, go that extra mile if the company were losing money.

She accepts that if the company goes under, so does she.

It is in Bonnie’s best interests to keep the company afloat during hard times because when the good times return - and they will - the company may reward her loyalty, but there is no guarantee, of course, that this will happen.

"To put in extra hours without pay in expectation of a reward," says Bonnie, "is not a good idea."

Bonnie worries about her girlfriends because they could be out of work for quite a while and the prospect is very real that they will be required to accept a much lower salary than the one they previously took home.

"I am already paying off my ex-husbands bills," sighs Bonnie, "and I don't want to be stuck with the total rent bill, too, if my girlfriends can't pay."

Bonnie also worries about her own job. Even though she accepted a pay cut, her job may not last.

If Bonnie does end up losing her job then she intends to set a minimum figure at which she can survive, and then she’ll go looking for jobs that are personally satisfying to her.

Earning big money often involves stress, deadlines and time constraints, and Bonnie doesn’t want that.

"There are many factors besides money that can make a job enjoyable," says Bonnie, "and if I set my wages low then I have the perfect opportunity to find a type of job that rewards me in other areas."

"After the divorce," confides Bonnie, "I want to enjoy an truly independent life and do something new."

Time is important to her, so she could try a part-time job. She likes learning new skills so she could try a type of job she has never tried before. There are not many staff benefits where she works now, so she could target a place with a social club and great facilities.

Profit sharing? Bonnie accepts that the idea of companies offering stock options as an employment bonus is a good one, but not at the expense of a basic wage.

"Stocks and shares are for gamblers like my ex," sighs Bonnie, "I'm just not interested in taking risks with money."

"It’s interesting," says Bonnie, "that people who work primarily for job satisfaction reap the benefits of that choice whatever state the economy is in. Those who work for financial consideration, and nothing else, are big losers in economic downturns."

Making a valuable contribution to a company, and being rewarded by praise, is far more satisfying to Bonnie than a fistful of dollars.

"Of course," laughs Bonnie, "if you can achieve job satisfaction as well as a six-figure salary then all power to you! For most of us, though, one thing is usually gained at the expense of another and six-figure salaries often lead to health problems, family and relationship problems and spiritual death."

In accepting a pay cut to retain her job, Bonnie can no longer throw away money on little luxuries, but it is a far better proposition than not having a job. And she feels that her girlfriends are going to discover this fact very soon. If they are lucky and get a better paid job, then they may have to put up with a lot of job-related problems that they did not experience at the old place.

"There are some things that money cannot buy," says Bonnie, "and a pleasant job - and a good husband - are two that I've discovered. What with the sexually transmitted debt I got from my ex husband, I consider myself very lucky to have a pleasant job."

"I won't be trying to have it all again," laughs Bonnie. "From now on it's a single independent life for me."

freedom from domestic violence

Chantal, 48, made a proud decision 12 years ago to be poor and free rather than rich and abused, but in divorcing an abusive husband and freeing her children from domestic violence she never imagined that they would end up years later denying her suffering and blaming her for divorcing their father and stuffing up their lives.

"I deserve a medal of bravery for what I did 12 years ago," claims Chantal. "I can't believe, in this day and age, that anyone - least of all my children - would deny my suffering and wish I had remained in an abusive relationship."

"Divorcing that man was the bravest decision I have ever made," says Chantal, "and having made it I empowered myself to make similar decisions about anyone else who dared to abuse me and make me feel bad about myself. I don't care who they are - employer, friend, lover, mother, father, brother, sister, son, daughter - I will not tolerate an unhealthy relationship. I will not be controlled, owned, raped, humiliated, blamed, pushed, shoved or threatened ever again."

"I was very naive when I married and consequently fell pregnant immediately," explains Chantal. "After the birth of my first daughter I went on the pill and stayed on it, despite mounting health risks, for thirteen years without a break and then finally, on strict medical advice, I took a break and fell pregnant again. My ex-husband refused to use male contraception - he couldn't care less about whether I fell pregnant or not - so during this break from the pill I refused him sex."

"He retaliated by forcing himself on me when I was asleep," sighs Chantal. "When I woke up and realized what he was doing he forced me on my stomach and continued raping me until he was done - and then he turned over and slept, leaving me crying."

"I don't know whether he deliberately raped me to make me pregnant - or just to satisfy his lust," says Chantal, "but when I told him I was pregnant he was a lot happier than I was. Imagine this happening thirteen years after the first mishap - after all my precautions!"

"During my second pregnancy the abuse worsened," sighs Chantal, "and after my second daughter was born it became intolerable. He lashed out at all of us."

"I protected those kids with my life, literally, and although they may prefer to remember one or two bad times over the thousands of happy times they spent with me, I did my very best and I'm very proud that I raised two children to healthy adulthood," says Chantal. "It was my duty as a mother to protect my children from harm and provide them with a good, strong female role model."

"I felt deep despair being stuck in a marriage where I had to take his abuse as if I deserved it, and especially so if he dished it out in front of the children."

"I didn't want my children to see their mother being abused," explains Chantal. "If they now feel, as their father encourages them to do, that I lied and made a bad decision twelve years ago that adversely affected them and as such I am responsible for everything that goes wrong in their lives forever and ever then what can I say?"

"It was such a long time ago - and neither of my children knew half of the stuff that I endured and possibly can't even remember the abuse they did witness," says Chantal, "so their father can easily paint an entirely different impression of what happened and impress it upon them."

"I suppose I can chase up the medical records, the police records, the court records and the witness statements - but why the hell should I?" asks Chantal. "If they want to believe that their father is incapable of abuse then let them believe what they want."

"It's history, it's dead and buried, it's stuff that happened between their father and I and essentially has nothing to do with them. The divorce did not affect them adversely - it freed them from domestic violence - and I can't believe that twelve years later they would blame me for something they should be thanking me for."

"It is ludicrous and grossly unfair for them to claim that their problems are a direct consequence of my divorcing their father twelve years ago and as such I must take full responsibility and blame," says Chantal. "The consequences to myself and my children of remaining in a domestic violence situation would have been abominable. Do they truly believe that my staying in an abusive marriage would have been a good decision that would have benefited them?"

"I am in my rights to protect myself, tell them to let go and mind their own business - I am not their property and I refuse to get involved in irrational arguments with them," says Chantal, "but that's all I can do. Even though I can see that their relationship with their father has become dangerous and they need to cut ties with him immediately before he does more damage to them, I've never interfered in their relationship with him - and I never will."

"It's a mantra, I know," sighs Chantal, "but no matter how hurt I feel, and how badly I can see how they are being affected by their father, I must respect their right to make adult decisions involving responsibilities and consequences for which they, and they alone, are liable."

"They must learn to let go of the past - as I have," says Chantal. "If they don't, they are liable to end up in abusive relationships themselves."

"I feel healed enough from the experience to be able to marry again - and I have been looking," says Chantal. "but finding the right guy at my age isn't easy."