unresolved grief
Within three years of her husband's death, the youngest of Moira's adult kids left home leaving the 60-year old widow to face the loneliness of the empty nest as well as a heap of unresolved grief.
"During those three years I didn't cope very well with the children," confesses Moira. "I had always depended upon my husband, Bernie, for disciplining them - as well as doing the main bread-winning - so I just didn't have the skills or the personal resources to cope."
"I didn't grieve after Bernie's death - I didn't have time to.”
"Bernie took to religion when he knew he was dying and I joined him for services at the local church," says Moira, "but after making a big show at the funeral, everyone disappeared. I suppose they didn't feel capable of helping me, but the whole experience was enough to cause me to give up religion as a meaningful way of life."
"I have an older brother and a younger sister living overseas, with whom I've lost touch and were never particularly close to," explains Moira, "and as for friends, well, I was always so absorbed with Bernie, the kids, the house and my job that I never maintained friendships after I married. My only hobby was gardening, and even that I shared with Bernie."
"Bernie was really my whole life and it didn't matter that he was so much older than me," adds Moira. "He gave me the love and attention I didn't get as a child. Once I had found him, I didn't need anyone else. And when he died, I was really cast adrift."
"I think the kids left home as soon as they were legally able to do so because I was a depressed mess," sighs Moira. "I had to work extra hours to make ends meet and I just didn't have much time for them."
"I did feel lonely when the kids left," says Moira, "and yet it was also a relief. My relationship with them wasn't as close as my relationship with their father, and by the time they were old enough to leave they were almost like aliens. It was nice to have the house to myself and some much needed privacy."
“Being alone finally allows my emotions to come to the fore.”
"More than ever, I really miss my husband now," confides Moira, "and it’s such a relief to have the time and peace and privacy to be able to express and resolve my grief. Bernie would be 82 tomorrow, and I’m going to bake him a cake and decorate it and celebrate the wonderful years we shared."
"As for the day after tomorrow? Well," muses Moira, "It will be the first day of the rest of my life. I’ll take what comes."
"I'm a Virgo, and a bit of a pragmatist I suppose," confesses Moira, "but just because I don't show my feelings openly doesn't mean that I don't have any. I prefer to do my weeping in private."
Read more of Moira's story:
<< Home