the workaholic husband
Carlotta is a contract worker and is presently trying to enjoy a long break between jobs. Her husband, David, earns a good salary and expects Carlotta to pay her way when she is not working - which she does - but David's obsession with work and money is becoming a matter of great concern to her.
"David is not only working himself to death but me, too, " laments Carlotta. "I want to kick back between jobs, relax and enjoy myself, but David has become so critical and demanding in terms of housekeeping and what I do all day that our marriage is fast heading for the rocks."
"Working oneself to death is a phenomenon that happens sufficiently in their culture for the Japanese to have a word for it," says Carlotta. "It’s called karoshi and it's a phenomenon that's heading west at helter-skelter pace."
"Although workaholism does fall short of physical mortality," concedes Carlotta, "I feel it does lead to a state of emotional and spiritual death that is turning more and more of us into automatons and zombies."
Carlotta also feels that the ruthless 21st century hiring and firing ethos in workplaces is exacerbating this trend. She thrives on contract work, but David needs the security of ongoing work and is always worried about losing his job.
"It was once a joke that the skeletal remains of a lot of public servants would be found one day in buildings where they had toiled for years, unseen, unheard, unappreciated and unloved," laughs Carlotta, "and although it is rare that anybody is actually found in this state the meaning behind the joke is clear. Too many people - public servants especially - were becoming workaholics, living for work rather than working to live."
To Carlotta, workaholics appear to be people driven not so much by the drive to succeed but by a fear of not succeeding.
"There is a very clear distinction between someone with a drive to succeed and a workaholic." says Carlotta. "Both are extremely hard workers, but someone with the drive to succeed works for a goal which, when reached, often results in early retirement and a life of leisure. In other words, someone with the drive to succeed works to live."
"Workaholics, like David, are very different," explains Carlotta. "They appear to have no goal other than spending as much time as they can at work and they feel that anyone not working as hard as they are is a slacker."
"While some workaholics do succeed in reaching a level of financial comfort it is never enough," says Carlotta. "In other words, workaholics appear to have some demon within, probably inculcated in childhood, that tells them they are not good enough, that they must work, and keep on working, or they will be punished, go to hell, die a pauper or whatever. In essence, they live to work."
"Another difference between someone with a drive to succeed and a workaholic," adds Carlotta, "is that the former always gives priority to private life. The success-driven people work just as hard at play in the evenings and at weekends as they do at work. They shut out work when they are not at work."
"The workaholics, on the other hand, tend to take home work and dwell on it in their free time. And this describes David perfectly."
As a result of their morbid interest in work, Carlotta feels that workaholics tend to have family and relationship problems, which, in turn, drive them to spend more and more time at work in order to blot out the misery of their private lives.
"When David berates me for not having a steady job and lazing around the house when I'm between jobs," confides Carlotta, "he's driving a wedge between us. I can’t enjoy my time off when David is nagging me, and because we argue so much I am grateful - in a way - that he does come home late at night."
"It’s not much of a marriage," concedes Carlotta, "but that’s the only way David and I appear to be able to enjoy a bit of peace."
Carlotta maintains that it’s a fallacy to believe that a workaholic is more productive than any other type of worker.
"If a job basically involves someone 'being there', then having workaholic tendencies is a decided plus for the job," says Carlotta, "but scientific tests have proved that everyone’s intellectual abilities falter after a certain period. All other things being equal, when the work requires intellectual rigor someone who works for eight hours a day with a long mid-day break is going to be a lot more productive than someone who works eight or even ten hours a day without a break."
Even when Carlotta has a job, she would never work more than eight hours a day.
"I am not lazy," laughs Carlotta, "I am a sensible person. We need sleep to rest our bodies, and leisure to relax our brains in order to be healthy, productive workers."
"When companies enforce a climate of fear - fear of losing our jobs, fear of not succeeding, fear of having no money to pay the rent, etc - they are feeding us with ‘we are not good enough’ thoughts that, in turn, will encourage us to develop workaholic tendencies and become emotional and spiritual zombies."
"David hasn't reached that stage yet and I hope he never does," sighs Carlotta, "but if the crunch comes and it's a matter of saving myself or saving the marriage I think you know which way I'd jump. I once admired David's ambition, but now that I know it's fired by fear rather than a drive to succeed I don't like it at all."
"David is not only working himself to death but me, too, " laments Carlotta. "I want to kick back between jobs, relax and enjoy myself, but David has become so critical and demanding in terms of housekeeping and what I do all day that our marriage is fast heading for the rocks."
"Working oneself to death is a phenomenon that happens sufficiently in their culture for the Japanese to have a word for it," says Carlotta. "It’s called karoshi and it's a phenomenon that's heading west at helter-skelter pace."
"Although workaholism does fall short of physical mortality," concedes Carlotta, "I feel it does lead to a state of emotional and spiritual death that is turning more and more of us into automatons and zombies."
Carlotta also feels that the ruthless 21st century hiring and firing ethos in workplaces is exacerbating this trend. She thrives on contract work, but David needs the security of ongoing work and is always worried about losing his job.
"It was once a joke that the skeletal remains of a lot of public servants would be found one day in buildings where they had toiled for years, unseen, unheard, unappreciated and unloved," laughs Carlotta, "and although it is rare that anybody is actually found in this state the meaning behind the joke is clear. Too many people - public servants especially - were becoming workaholics, living for work rather than working to live."
To Carlotta, workaholics appear to be people driven not so much by the drive to succeed but by a fear of not succeeding.
"There is a very clear distinction between someone with a drive to succeed and a workaholic." says Carlotta. "Both are extremely hard workers, but someone with the drive to succeed works for a goal which, when reached, often results in early retirement and a life of leisure. In other words, someone with the drive to succeed works to live."
"Workaholics, like David, are very different," explains Carlotta. "They appear to have no goal other than spending as much time as they can at work and they feel that anyone not working as hard as they are is a slacker."
"While some workaholics do succeed in reaching a level of financial comfort it is never enough," says Carlotta. "In other words, workaholics appear to have some demon within, probably inculcated in childhood, that tells them they are not good enough, that they must work, and keep on working, or they will be punished, go to hell, die a pauper or whatever. In essence, they live to work."
"Another difference between someone with a drive to succeed and a workaholic," adds Carlotta, "is that the former always gives priority to private life. The success-driven people work just as hard at play in the evenings and at weekends as they do at work. They shut out work when they are not at work."
"The workaholics, on the other hand, tend to take home work and dwell on it in their free time. And this describes David perfectly."
As a result of their morbid interest in work, Carlotta feels that workaholics tend to have family and relationship problems, which, in turn, drive them to spend more and more time at work in order to blot out the misery of their private lives.
"When David berates me for not having a steady job and lazing around the house when I'm between jobs," confides Carlotta, "he's driving a wedge between us. I can’t enjoy my time off when David is nagging me, and because we argue so much I am grateful - in a way - that he does come home late at night."
"It’s not much of a marriage," concedes Carlotta, "but that’s the only way David and I appear to be able to enjoy a bit of peace."
Carlotta maintains that it’s a fallacy to believe that a workaholic is more productive than any other type of worker.
"If a job basically involves someone 'being there', then having workaholic tendencies is a decided plus for the job," says Carlotta, "but scientific tests have proved that everyone’s intellectual abilities falter after a certain period. All other things being equal, when the work requires intellectual rigor someone who works for eight hours a day with a long mid-day break is going to be a lot more productive than someone who works eight or even ten hours a day without a break."
Even when Carlotta has a job, she would never work more than eight hours a day.
"I am not lazy," laughs Carlotta, "I am a sensible person. We need sleep to rest our bodies, and leisure to relax our brains in order to be healthy, productive workers."
"When companies enforce a climate of fear - fear of losing our jobs, fear of not succeeding, fear of having no money to pay the rent, etc - they are feeding us with ‘we are not good enough’ thoughts that, in turn, will encourage us to develop workaholic tendencies and become emotional and spiritual zombies."
"David hasn't reached that stage yet and I hope he never does," sighs Carlotta, "but if the crunch comes and it's a matter of saving myself or saving the marriage I think you know which way I'd jump. I once admired David's ambition, but now that I know it's fired by fear rather than a drive to succeed I don't like it at all."
Labels: fear, husband, marriage, money, success, work obsession, workaholic
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