the revenge affaire

When Virginia's partner seemed more interested in winning back his previous girlfriend than making the commitment to her that she desired, she decided, very painfully, that it was time to separate from him.

"I just became so upset by the situation between Pete and I that I wanted to move on - get another guy and start afresh with him," says Virginia, "but I couldn't get Pete out of my head any more than he could get his ex-girlfriend out of his head I suppose."

"It turned out that I did to Vic what Pete had done to me," sighs Virginia. "Rather than starting a new relationship I was having a revenge affaire to make me feel good and hopefully make Pete jealous. I just offloaded all of my feelings about Pete onto Vic and made him feel as unwanted and lousy as I once did with Pete."

"As soon as Pete found out that I had another guy in my life he started to get interested in me," says Virginia, "and that's when things got complicated."

"On some level I started a relationship with Vic hoping it would work out between us," says Virginia "I didn't deliberately have a revenge affaire in order to win Pete back."

"That I did win Pete back probably makes my relationship with Vic sound like it was a revenge affaire - but it didn't start off as one. I truly liked Vic. He was a very nice man."

"To make matters worse Vic had a girlfriend when I met him at a party."

"I was in that euphoric 'I couldn't give a damn any more' mood about Pete, and Vic took a shine to me - how could I ignore such an opportunity?"

"Vic said he was just dating the girl he was with that night - he wasn't having a relationship with her," says Virginia, "but later on - when Vic and I had split up and I went back to Pete - I discovered that the girl had been in love with Vic and accused me of stealing him from her."

"I believed what Vic told me - she certainly didn't come between Vic and I the night we met," says Virginia. "And it's not my fault that Vic didn't want her. How can I be accused of stealing him from her when he wasn't hers?"

"Anyway, Vic and I hit it off that night at the party and we started dating immediately."

"We had so much fun together that I didn't think of Pete much," says Virginia. "It was only when Vic started to get serious and wanted a relationship that all my emotions came to the fore."

"Vic was very patient with me. He listened for hours while I poured out my heart to him - about how I'd been with Pete for two years and he just couldn't let go of his former girlfriend. You know the sort of stuff. I had to go through it all with Pete when I first met him. I guess we all have to be burdened with a new partner's love miseries - or burden them with ours."

"When Vic and I became an item we didn't have as much fun as we had when we were dating," says Virginia. "Well, I didn't. I didn't love Vic in the same way I loved Pete. Making love with him just lacked the magic that I experienced with Pete."

"Three months into my relationship with Vic I received a call from Pete wanting to know how I was," says Virginia, "and that call brought to an end my relationship with Vic. I had to face the fact that I still loved Pete and if he wanted me back - and had truly gotten over his previous girlfriend - then I wanted him back too."

"Pete was a different guy when I went back to him," explains Virginia. "He genuinely wanted to make a commitment to me. We set a date for the wedding and everything looks really rosy in my life now."

"As for Vic, well, I told him the truth. He took it very well, understanding that I had always loved Pete."

"He didn't see himself as a victim," says Virginia. "He genuinely enjoyed his time with me and was glad that I was going to be happy."

"In a way Vic was lucky that Pete came back into my life so quickly otherwise I might have strung him along for two miserable years - like Pete had done to me."

"Pete took two years to face the fact the his ex girlfriend didn't want him - and he only realized how precious I was to him when he thought he had lost me."

"Had I known how this funny love business works I would have found someone like Vic years ago - and had a real revenge affaire - rather than hanging on like an idiot waiting for Pete to wake up."

"Deliberately starting a revenge affair early in my relationship with Pete may have spared me from two years of misery - but then Pete may have really needed those two years to get over his ex girlfriend. I could have lost him."

"I followed my heart and only gave up on Pete when I was dying of misery," says Virginia. "I never expected him to miss me and realize he loved me - I thought it was over between us."

"You just can't tell how these things work out, can you? It could have worked had I left Pete earlier - but then again it might not have," muses Virginia. "I had to reach that stage where I had given up - and because I had reached that stage after two years of misery I didn't go looking for a revenge affaire."

"I really wanted things to work out between Vic and I, and in many ways I miss him already."